Dear Mom and Dad,

I want you to know what it’s like to be me. My brain runs like a washing machine powered by a Ferrari engine, tumbling ideas like shirts and pants and socks mixed together. Sometimes I have so many thoughts swimming in my head that I blurt out because I’m afraid I’ll forget them. And you get mad at me.

I kind of like all this energy inside my head because I can keep myself entertained. But other times I feel scattered and lost. That’s why I like things to be just so and need to know the plan for the day. It’s why I wear and eat the same things. New things freak me out, but please don’t get frustrated with me when I’m anxious.

Sometimes I feel my body screaming at me to move, like I need to push up against something. I’ll be sitting in class and feel like I’m about to explode. But my teacher will yell at me if I get up, so I sit there frozen and distracted, not sure what to do. I promise I don’t get in trouble on purpose. Okay, I was lying (notice that I’m honest about lying!). Sometimes I get in trouble on purpose just so I can get out of class to walk down the hall. It’s such a relief.

Little things bother me. I’m not making it up to be difficult, so please don’t discount my feelings when I tell you some place smells bad or it’s too loud, or I have to change my socks. I know you get concerned because I stay up late and don’t sleep much. But I like it when it’s quiet. I can hear my thoughts better. My world is peaceful then.

I get bored with kid stuff pretty easily. It’s like I have an adult brain and ideas stuck inside a kid’s body. That’s why I like to hang out with Uncle Tom and work down at Mr. Brown’s shop–he gives me grown-up jobs and trusts me. And he always says I do a good job for him, and that makes me feel good.

Things hurt me more than you think. I see the way Grandma treats Adam and Grace different than me, I know I don’t get invited to birthday parties. You know the way Dad shakes his head in disapproval, the way Mom sighs and all those little comments and hushed conversations you have with the teacher and therapist? I know people think I’m a bad kid because I don’t behave like my siblings and classmates.

That’s why I like hanging out with my puppy, Buster. He likes me the way I am. It’s why I like to play video games and be alone. It’s like my heart can only take so much.

Mom and Dad, please stop trying to make me be like everyone else. I like who I am. Do you? I know I’m not exactly the way you want me to be or the kid you expected, but I’m going to be good as an adult and you’ll be proud of me then.

Love,
Your son