I received a phone call from a pastor recently, angry that his church had booked me to speak because I didn’t believe enough in punishment and consequences. He accused me of allowing children to rule the home.
I asked him to please read this blog post. You should, too!
You Can’t Let Your Kids Walk All Over You.
He was afraid that I was too wimpy with kids. I’m not. But in too many homes and churches, that authoritarian, “my way or the highway” approach literally destroys relationships between fathers and sons and mothers and daughters. The damage is often irreparable. And it doesn’t work!
So I sent this patient, curious Pastor OUR MOST POPULAR CDs so he could listen to the Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen The First Time program for himself (FREE this week with our special). And here’s what he emailed back.
“This sounds an awful lot like the way I would want someone to parent me. Firm, but understanding. An emphasis on giving tools to succeed rather than punishing for failure. We can’t wait for our community to hear you. I think this will change relationships.”
(If you want your community to hear this message, email Emily@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888-506-1871. She will send you a one-page proposal for you to share with your PTA, school, church, or foster care organization.)
So here are 8 critical principles for discipline.
Forward this to your spouse and ask him/her to be open to a different way if the endless cycle of consequences and tears isn’t working now.
1) Discipline is something you do FOR your children, not TO them. It is a gift to your children.
2) Discipline is about changing a child’s heart, NOT about changing a child’s outward behavior.
3) Discipline literally means to teach, not punish. I can get “good behavior” and outward compliance with threats. That is coercion, not obedience. A heart that trusts can surrender and feel safe to listen to parents.
4) The best discipline is self-discipline. I want to teach kids to control their own behavior so you don’t have to “make them” behave. That’s why I want your kids listening to Casey’s “Straight Talk for Kids” program (FREE with the summer special). My son shows your son and daughter how to control their own emotions. Powerful.
5) Good discipline will always lead you closer to your kids, not further away. If the “my way or the highway” approach is alienating the kids, change tactics. You change the way you communicate with different people at work–do the same at home.
(Listen to the two short podcasts below to learn how to control your emotions and tone of voice under pressure!)
6) Humility and authority walk hand in hand. Want your kids to actually respect and listen to you when you’re not standing over them? Discipline with humility. It will make you appear stronger and more confident. Yelling and flailing about makes you look out of control and weak.
7) Discipline is love. Because I love you…
– I take the time necessary to instruct you.
– I risk you being mad at me for saying no.
– I summon the physical and emotional strength to follow through when it is inconvenient, when I am tired, when I am in public.
It is NOT about the convenience of the moment or your behavior right now. Quick fixes don’t work. My goal is to teach you self-discipline, a huge competitive advantage for you.
8) I always ask three questions when I discipline: Have I SHOWN my child HOW to control himself? Have I given my child TOOLS to be successful next time? Have I built my relationship with my child?
Because if you do those three things well, the child’s behavior WILL change AND you will have built a trusting relationship with even the most strong-willed child. Can you do that? Can you control your own emotions and stop the yelling and lecturing?
I want to be the trusted parent who shows my kids how to be successful instead of the yelling, nagging parent who’s always pointing out what’s wrong. Are you ready to be that parent your kids can look up to?
YOUR strong-willed child will NOT change until you change. Are you ready to first change yourself? If you are, then I will give you OUR 3 MOST POPULAR PROGRAMS ($297 value) FREE as well. But you have to promise that you’ll work on yourself first. No cheating. See below to listen to short podcasts.
Need help or want to customize your download? It’s easy. Email Emily@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888.506.1871 and we’ll help you ASAP.
Final Week: Get THE BAG FREE ($150 value). Only 17 sets remaining.
Want to finally stop the yelling and lecturing? Get control of yourself with our 30 Days to Calm Program. And we’ll show you how to calm your kids for FREE.
You react when your kids push your buttons and just can’t seem to stop, even though you know you have to. You get on your kids constantly, lecturing and eventually yelling. It merely creates more power struggles and strains your relationships.
Only YOU have the power to create a new family tree and break these patterns so your kids don’t grow up and struggle with the same issues.
Want to learn how to stop reacting? Click here to listen to a practical 9-minute podcast and a preview of one of the 30 action steps.
Want to control your emotions? Click here to listen to this short podcast: “Stop doing so much and get control of your emotions.”
You invest in yourself to finally stop the yelling, lecturing, and power struggles. WE GIVE YOU THE BAG ($150 value) FREE. These are the same CDs that have changed over a hundred thousand families. FREE this week. Click here to learn more about The Bag. See complete descriptions and listen to audio samples below.
You’ve struggled with this for years. It took me 22 therapy sessions and $3,350 to learn these steps. We’ve consolidated this and made it simple, practical, and easy to apply. The regular price of this program is going to be $300. But during this SPECIAL SALE, you get a step-by-step guide to calm for the price of one trip to a therapist: only $150. PLUS you get an additional 9 hours of practical strategies and GET THE BAG FREE ($150 value).
30 Days To Calm: Stop Yelling, Lecturing, & Reacting (1 CD + 1 PDF Workbook + 45-page Q&A)
Kirk provides 30 specific, concrete strategies to:
- Stop the lecturing and yelling for good to create a new family tree.
- Stop reacting when your kids, spouse, and friends push your buttons so you are in control of yourself.
- Break the old patterns that cause you to worry about your kids’ future and feel like you’re not a good enough parent.
- Get control of your time instead of feeling rushed, on edge and anxious. No more drama. No more anxiety.
- Deal with daily pressures of morning rush, traffic, homework, bossy parents, social media, over-scheduling your kids, and more.
You will learn how to control yourself…instead of controlling everyone else. Finally. Includes a downloadable Workbook and 30 action steps (one per day) to break those old patterns.
Bonus: Features a 45-page Q&A with answers to your toughest questions and strategies to overcome your toughest triggers.
THIS WEEK ONLY: GET THE BAG FREE WITH YOUR PURCHASE OF 30 Days to Calm!
Get 9 hours of practical strategies and answers to your 100 toughest questions. Listen alone, listen WITH your kids, or have them listen alone. You will learn dozens of very practical, concrete strategies to stop defiance, disrespect, yelling, sibling fights, power struggles over screen time and homework. Plus your kids listen to Casey’s Straight Talk For Kids and learn to control themselves.
Stop Power Struggles with Your Strong-Willed Child (2 CDs, 2 hours). Kirk will show you how to cultivate a deep, trusting relationship with a strong-willed child who:
- Only wants to do things on his terms.
- Doesn’t care about consequences or anything you care about.
- Resists or shut downs when you try to talk to him.
- Would rather suffer and do things the hard way than do what you ask.
- Gets upset quickly over changes in plans.
- Feels different than his siblings and classmates.
- Gets the entire family revolving around his drama.
CD 2 Track 04: You can’t let strong-willed kids walk all over you. But tough discipline should always lead to a closer relationship. Listen how to do this even when your child is defiant.
Straight Talk For Kids (3 CDs, 3 hours)
Kids listen as a teenager (Casey) shows them how to deal with daily disappointment, anger, frustration, peer pressure, siblings, and homework.
- Kids feel understood, confident, motivated, and purposeful.
- Casey teaches kids how to communicate with parents respectfully to earn trust.
- Casey gives dozens of practical tools to handle sibling fights, organizational skills, focus, and social skills.
Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen the First Time (2 CDs, 2 hours)
Kirk will show you 25 ways to discipline without yelling to stop the fighting, lying, tantrums, whining, complaining and more. Learn to give directions ONE time… NO more repeating things!
- Give directions one time. No more repeating yourself, yelling or bribing!
- Stop lying, hitting, interrupting, tantrums, whining, and complaining.
- Teach kids how to control themselves. A must have in every home.
Listen to a sample track:
If you have any questions or need help selecting the best CD/DVD sets for your family, please call us at 888-506-1871 or email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com. And yes, you will actually speak with us!