I received a phone call from a pastor recently, angry that his church had booked me to speak because I didn’t believe enough in punishment and consequences. He accused me of allowing children to rule the home.
I asked him to please read this blog post. You should, too!
You Can’t Let Your Kids Walk All Over You
He was afraid that I was too wimpy with kids. I’m not. But in too many homes and churches, that authoritarian, “my way or the highway” approach literally destroys relationships between fathers and sons and mothers and daughters. The damage is often irreparable. And it doesn’t work!
So I sent this patient, curious Pastor THE BAG so he could listen to the Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen The First Time program for himself (FREE this week with our special). And here’s what he emailed back.
“This sounds an awful lot like the way I would want someone to parent me. Firm, but understanding. An emphasis on giving tools to succeed rather than punishing for failure. We can’t wait for our community to hear you. I think this will change relationships.”
(If you want your community to hear this message, email Emily@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888-506-1871. She will send you a one-page proposal for you to share with your PTA, school, church, or foster care organization.)
So here are 8 critical principles for discipline.
Forward this to your spouse and ask him/her to be open to a different way if the endless cycle of consequences and tears isn’t working now.
1) Discipline is something you do FOR your children, not TO them. It is a gift to your children.
2) Discipline is about changing a child’s heart, NOT about changing a child’s outward behavior.
3) Discipline literally means to teach, not punish. I can get “good behavior” and outward compliance with threats. That is coercion, not obedience. A heart that trusts can surrender and feel safe to listen to parents.
4) The best discipline is self-discipline. I want to teach kids to control their own behavior so you don’t have to “make them” behave. That’s why I want your kids listening to Casey’s “Straight Talk for Kids” CDs in THE BAG this week. My son shows your son and daughter how to control their own emotions. Powerful.
5) Good discipline will always lead you closer to your kids, not further away. If the “my way or the highway” approach is alienating the kids, change tactics. You change the way you communicate with different people at work–do the same at home.
6) Humility and authority walk hand in hand. Want your kids to actually respect and listen to you when you’re not standing over them? Discipline with humility. It will make you appear stronger and more confident. Yelling and flailing about makes you look out of control and weak.
7) Discipline is love. Because I love you…
– I take the time necessary to instruct you.
– I risk you being mad at me for saying no.
– I summon the physical and emotional strength to follow through when it is inconvenient, when I am tired, when I am in public.
It is NOT about the convenience of the moment or your behavior right now. Quick fixes don’t work. My goal is to teach you self-discipline, a huge competitive advantage for you.
8) I always ask three questions when I discipline: Have I SHOWN my child HOW to control himself? Have I given my child TOOLS to be successful next time? Have I built my relationship with my child?
Because if you do those three things well, the child’s behavior WILL change AND you will have built a trusting relationship with even the most strong-willed child. Can you do that? Can you control your own emotions and stop the yelling and lecturing?
I want to be the trusted parent who shows my kids how to be successful instead of the yelling, nagging parent who’s always pointing out what’s wrong. Are you ready to be that parent your kids can look up to?
If you are, then I will give you THE BAG free ($150 value) as well. But you have to promise that you’ll work on yourself first. No cheating. And I promise all of your relationships with change–when you change. Ready to do it? We’ve never given away this much stuff for FREE! We have 13 of these left.
GET THE BAG FREE this week ($150 value) when you learn how to finally calm yourself down. Within a few weeks, you will be different and so will your kids. During our SPECIAL SALE this week, we have set aside 30 of the 30 Days to Calm programs for the price of one visit to a good therapist: $150. Plus you get The Bag FREE!
Click here to learn more about this week’s special to get everything listed below:
With this week’s special, you receive:
*30 Days to Calm: Stop Yelling, Lecturing, & Reacting.
*PDF Workbook/Journal + 30-Day Challenge & 45-page Q&A.
*Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen the First Time
*Straight Talk For Kids: Casey Speaks Directly To Your Kids
*Stop the Power Struggles with a Strong-Willed Child
* Got Calm Bag
* You’re A Great Mom! Refrigerator Magnet
12 hours of practical strategies for the cost of one trip to a therapist’s office.
Need help or want to customize your bag? It’s easy. Email Emily@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888.506.1871 and we’ll help you ASAP.