So about a month ago, the new teller at my bank, Christine, asks, “What’s this Celebrate Calm?” I tell her how we work with kids who like to do things on their own terms, argue and negotiate, create fierce battles over little issues, are bright but only curious about subjects they don’t get grades for, resist when pushed, etc. Her eyes light up and she says, “That’s my daughter!”
She proceeds to tell me all about her trials and tribulations. I listen patiently, nodding my head, commiserating. Then because I felt like it, I asked, “Do I have permission to tell you bluntly what the issue is?”
She says, “Of course.” And the older teller who I’ve known for awhile just laughs. Because she knows what’s coming.
“The problem, and therefore the solution,” I begin, ” is you. You are filled with anxiety over your daughter’s future because she isn’t living up to your expectations. She’s capable of so much more–those were your exact words. You spend all of your time trying to fix her. You lecture and explain and practically beg her to listen to you. She resists more.
“You get flustered and take things away. She doesn’t care. You have control issues because you want everything done a certain way-but your daughter will never, ever do it your way. And you don’t know what to do, so you double down and get more intense. And it gets worse. And probably causes problems in your marriage, too.”
Christine stared at me blankly. Then I saw the lone tear. As she wiped her eyes, she lamented, “I know. I just don’t know how to stop. I love her so much.”
(Want to learn how to stop reacting and control yourself? Click here to listen to these two short podcasts.)
“So, are you REALLY ready to change this? Because the only person in this relationship you can change is yourself. And I promise that when you change your tone of voice, your words, your focus…when you control your anxiety and mouth…then you will see your daughter through different eyes. Then you will see her blossom and change. But as long as you hold on to your way she will resist you to the grave. And you don’t want that.”
Christine uttered five beautiful words that actually brought tears to my eyes. “I am ready to surrender.” Wow.
So I asked her to go through the 30 Days to Calm program with me. Honestly, it was fascinating to see all the issues that surfaced from her past relationships and experiences. Every time I’d go into the bank, she’d have a new story. But the stories weren’t about her daughter–they were about herself. Here’s what she said to me:
“I got so focused on becoming a new person and controlling my own anxiety that it gave my daughter some space to be herself and grow. Since she was in pre-school, I had spent all my energy trying to change her. It never, ever worked. But I didn’t know another way. When I became a different person, I saw her differently. She’s still frustrating, but I see her blossoming and our relationship has turned around 180 degrees. SHE has noticed the difference in me. I don’t lecture, I don’t make snide comments. It feels so good!”
So today I dropped off THE BAG at the bank for her as my gift--now that she has changed herself (which never stops), she has tools in THE BAG to help her daughter with focus, attention, impulse control, social skills, homework, discipline, controlling her emotions and more.
YOUR strong-willed child will NOT change until you change. Are you ready to surrender like Christine? Focus on changing yourself instead of your child and spouse? If you are, then I will give you THE BAG free ($150 value) as well. But you have to promise that you’ll work on yourself first. No cheating.
And I promise all of your relationships with change–when you change. Ready to do it? We’ve never given away this much stuff for FREE! We have 13 of these left.
GET THE BAG FREE this week ($150 value) when you learn how to finally calm yourself down. Within a few weeks, you will be different and so will your kids.
During our SPECIAL SALE this week, we have set aside 30 of the 30 Days to Calm programs for the price of one visit to a good therapist: $150. Plus you get The Bag FREE!
Click here to learn more about this week’s special or scroll down to see what’s included:
With this week’s special, you receive:
*30 Days to Calm: Stop Yelling, Lecturing, & Reacting.
*PDF Workbook/Journal + 30-Day Challenge & 45-page Q&A.
*Discipline That Works: Get Your Kids to Listen the First Time
*Straight Talk For Kids: Casey Speaks Directly To Your Kids
*Stop the Power Struggles with a Strong-Willed Child
* Got Calm Bag
* You’re A Great Mom! Refrigerator Magnet
12 hours of practical strategies for the cost of one trip to a therapist’s office.