Want your kids to open up to you more and be responsible for themselves? Try these two apologies.

(1) “I want to apologize to you. When you come and tell me something about your life, I tend to create too much drama and make it a bigger deal than it is. And I bet that makes you feel hesitant to share things with me. I apologize for making you feel that way.

“From now on, when you share something with me, I am just going to listen and ask questions, not lecture and interrogate you. Would that make you feel more comfortable sharing things with me?”

(2) “I want to apologize to you. Out of a good heart and good intentions, I think I have inadvertently sent the message that you aren’t capable of making good choices or being successful. The issue isn’t you—it’s my own anxiety and control issues. So from now on, I am going to stop lecturing and start modeling the right behavior for you. Because I do believe you can be wildly successful.”

Humility is a powerful tool.